Common fears that block requests
Being trauma-informed means recognising that victims and survivors may struggle to ask for what they need.
In order to facilitate a safe and inclusive space, we can pre-empt these barriers by recognising they exist and giving people the opportunity to advocate for themselves.
Examples of common fears that block requests include:
- I fear the pain of being hurt or angry if the other person says “No” to me
- I fear the pain of being viewed by others in ways I don’t want to be viewed (needy, manipulative, greedy, ignorant, demanding, aggressive)
- I fear the pain of viewing myself in ways I disapprove (same as above)
- I believe that I do not deserve what I am requesting.
- I believe the other party lacks the capacity to satisfy my request.
- I believe that I should be self-reliant and able to cope without asking for help.
- I believe that the other person should know what I want without my having to ask for it.
- I believe that it is disrespectful or inconsiderate to put people in the potentially uncomfortable position of “have to say ‘No’.